This post is a 3-part series on having a positive outlook on dating. Parts 2 and 3 will be posted on Wednesday and Thursday.
One of the dislikes I probably share with you is the dating experience. To me, alot of it is what I think of as mental masturbation – you stroke your own ego so you put yourself out there, sometimes you stroke the egos of the men that you date, but you end up doing alot of pretzel brain twisting (over-thinking and over-analyzing situations until you make yourself miserable) all for the sake of meeting a guy worthy of your time. I’m being honest here family, I don’t enjoy it. But you know what – I’m the Motivated Sista, I’m here to motivate you and myself in the process. So let’s put another spin on this thing, shall we?
I heard or read somewhere that you should treat dating like a job, and I feel its definitely a good way to look at it. Its a necessary evil that alot of people don’t enjoy but must be endured. Lets really dig into this analogy and pump ourselves up to be successful at it regardless of how it makes us feel.
When we’re looking for a job, we are intrinsically determined to reach our goal. After all, we have bills to pay and one or more people to support by that paycheck. We believe that a job is going to come our way and will meet our career needs. We also believe that its only a matter of putting in our application, aceing the interview and that job is ours. When we don’t find what we’re looking for, we know that its only a matter of time before something suitable comes our way. Now why don’t we have that same attitude when it comes to dating? Men know one thing we don’t, ladies – dating is a numbers game. The more applicants you have in your dating pool, the more likely it is that you find the right candidate. What we tend to do, though, is meet one or two applicants who look like they’ll be competent, try to make an instant relationship, and then are frustrated when the new candidate either doesn’t have the right attitude, doesn’t do his job competently or makes the workplace an unpleasant place to be.
It goes without saying that we should keep a level head while evaluating applicants for a relationship, just as when we’re applying for jobs and building our careers.
Spread word of your search to your network
When you’re looking for a new job, whats one of the first things you do? You spread the word to your friends and family that you’re looking for a job and ask if they know of anything available. Make sure you do the same when you’re looking for a new mate. You never know who knows who, and the positive impression you leave on others could serve you well here. Describe to them the type of men that interest you and the type of relationship that you’re looking for. This is important because you don’t want your aunt hooking you up with marriage-minded men when you just want to date more. Conversely, don’t take it personally when your definition of a ‘good man’ isn’t the same as your cousin Peaches. She may equate a good man to one who stands up straight without assistance and gets a paycheck. Just thank her yet be firm about your expectations. Its not about her, and others who don’t share your romantic vision; its about the unexpected new men that enter your dating pool by publicizing your desire.